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Have you ever heard of love languages?
Fortunately, I learned about the 5 Love Languages while still in college before I met Matt. I couldn't wait to tell everyone about it-It was a whole new way to make sure those I cared about knew they were loved.
You see, there are 5 different ways to give and receive love in any relationship:
Quality Time
Physical Touch
Words of Affirmation
Acts of Service
Gift Giving
People like my parents went 20 years without knowing this, making it difficult for them to feel loved by the other. You see, my mom’s love language is physical touch, while my dad’s is acts of service. After coming home from a long day at work, my dad would walk in the house to see my mom waiting to give him a hug., but the house was messy, dinner wasn’t ready yet and my dad was immediately in a bad mood. He would ask my mom why she didn’t do those things? My mom's feelings were hurt that my dad rarely initiated coming home hugs and would immediately complain about the house.
After learning about the 5 Love Languages, they had a breakthrough in their marriage. My mom, who didn’t really care if the house was clean or not (I mean, when you raise 9 children within 11 years, it’s kind of hard to keep the house clean), now understood a clean house as a way of loving my dad. It was like her getting hugs. My dad, understanding that my mom needed physical contact to feel loved, would be sure to initiate hugs more regularly.
Their marriage grew, their love for one another grew, and their security in one another’s love grew.
I think the love languages are key in any successful relationship. Knowing your and your spouse’s Love Language is needed in every marriage, but it’s also needed to know the Love Languages in your children.
If you haven’t already, check out The Love Language® Quiz (5lovelanguages.com). Take some time to familiarize yourself with each language. Take a free online quiz to see what your love language is. Have your spouse take it. Learn what their love language is. Then talk about ways you can show them love and vice versa. Plan a date night or two around one another's love language. The best way to invest in the health of your family is to invest in the health of your marriage.
Next, call a family meeting. Have each child who is 9 years old and up take the quiz themselves, but stay close in case they have questions or need words clarified. There is an option for children 8 and under, you could click 9-12 age and read them the questions and click their answers for them. I would say for ages 5 and under, their primary love language probably hasn’t emerged just yet, so try and touch on all of them. There are many books by Gary Chapman that explain the 5 Love Languages and how to find out and show love in the Love Language of those you care about. They are all easy to read and very informative.
Then, once everyone has learned about their own love language, have everyone share ways we can love one another in their own language. Mikey, my oldest pictured above, has quality time as his language of love. Mine is also quality time, so going on dates to have uninterrupted one-on-one time with great food is a must! We try to take at least one kid out on a date each month.
Try and touch on each child’s love language regularly. When you have several children, sometimes it's hard to show them love individually, so we do something called Tuck In Time, something we learned from blogger Jordan Page. Each kid gets a different night where they get to stay up 15 minutes past bedtime, choose one snack, and one parent and do one thing of their choosing. They can snuggle and watch a video, talk about their day, play a board game, ride bikes, whatever that kid wants to do for those 15 minutes! That’s the time where we really want to touch on their language of love, filling their love tank for the week.
Me and the girls getting some physical touch in during a couch snuggle.
We find that when each of the kiddos get some quality time with one or both of us parents, they are so much calmer, more content and fight with their siblings much less.
It’s recommended to take the love language quiz from time to time because sometimes your primary love language changes. If you or your kiddo don't feel very loved, even if other's have been intentional about showing you love, you may want to re-take the quiz as your language may have shifted.
Tell me in the comments below: What's your love language? Do you find knowing others' love language makes them easier to love?
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