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For those of you who have not heard our story, it goes like this. Matt was going to be a priest, I was discerning religious life, but God had other plans. We both gave our lives to serve God (Totus Tuus) but God gave our hearts to one another. In seeking God, Matt and I found one another. Through Matt, I’ve met Christ most intimately and that’s what vocations should do, they should help us meet Christ most intimately.
Marriage is not the default vocation, it’s incredibly sacred. see, I always thought the super holy vocation was the priesthood, or religious life. Marriage seemed so ordinary. But Marriage is not a default vocation. Marriage is a sacred and holy vocation meant to sanctify spouses and their children.
Throughout biblical history marriage has been the analogy God has used for his Church. Spousal love is the closest analogy we have for God's love for his people. Christ is the bridegroom, the Church is His bride.
In the Old Testament, Hosea was a prophet called to marry and love a prostitute in order to show the people God's love for us, and that God's love for us is not dependent on how well we follow his law. His love for us is constant.
In the New Testament, Paul reminds us in Ephesians 5: 21-33 that men are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church. We wives are called to submit to our husbands, letting him give his life for us.
Similarities between Sex in Catholic Married Life and the Eucharist
Let’s think about our own relationship with God. When I was baptized, I became a part of God’s family, but without consistent reception of the Eucharist, it would be incredibly difficult to grow my relationship with Christ.
When we receive the Eucharist
We enter into a mutual exchange of bodies. We give Jesus all of us and receive all of him, body blood soul and divinity. We ought to not approach Eucharist merely as receiving but giving all of ourselves as well. A mutual exchange of bodies and love.
We renew our baptismal promises
We receive special grace like food for the journey.
No one would argue how necessary the Eucharist is for our personal relationship with Christ.
Reflect: Do I give myself to Jesus when I receive his body in the Eucharist, renewing the promises of baptism?
Because we are made in God's image, our understanding of God and our Catholic faith illuminates everything else in our lives, including sex within marriage.
Christopher West says, “"If you want to know what is most sacred in this world, all you need to do is look to that which is most violently profaned."
Something so holy, something that literally co-creates life alongside an all powerful God is going to most certainly be attacked. Many of us have sexual shame or at the very least have an incomplete view of sex and that could potentially be baggage in our marriage.
I challenge all of us to use the Mass as our example for understanding the holiness of marriage. Using the Eucharist, the culmination of the Mass, as a way of understanding the role of sex within a marriage.
Sex should be modeled after the Eucharist. Sex, like the eucharist,
Is an intimate and mutual exchange of bodies. We give ourselves fully, faithfully, fruitfully and truthfully to one another. We ought to not approach sex within marriage merely as receiving but giving all of ourselves as well. A mutual exchange of bodies and love.
The martial embrace of sex is a renewal of our marriage vows. We are saying with our bodies what we said on the altar.
Through the marital embrace, we receive a special grace intended to help us fight the good fight within our marriage.
The ccc says, "God has revealed His innermost secret: God himself is an eternal exchange of love, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, and he has destined us to share in that exchange." (Catechism of the Catholic Church, 221)
Reflect: Do I give all of myself to my spouse during the martial embrace, renewing the vows I said on our wedding day?
Notice how during Mass, we don’t just rush into the exchange of bodies, but take time to remember through the liturgy of the Word, the history of God's love. We remember our place in God's heart, we recall his promises, the covenant we entered into at baptism. We even apologize for our falling short and make peace with one another during Mass before the Eucharist is celebrated. All of that takes place before the exchange of bodies in the liturgy of the Eucharist. Matt is going to discuss how important it is for us to take the Mass as our example in our own marriage, taking time to remember and recall our marriage vows, apologizing and showing signs of peace with one another, making love through service and the other languages of love outside the bedroom.
Making Love outside the bedroom
Take a love language quiz and make sure you know (don’t guess!) what your spouses love language is! Take some time to discuss your love language and how you feel the most loved with one another!
Make sure you are loving your spouse in each language but especially their preferred love language.
If her language of love is physical touch, for example, consider giving her touch instead of merely taking it. Backrubs, foot rubs, are all great.
Sex inside the bedroom should carry on the love outside of the bedroom. If you’re not having sex it could be because you’re not doing a good job loving one another outside of the bedroom.
Free Resources for Catholic Married Life
One of the best things you can do for your marriage is to schedule regular date nights. We suggest AT LEAST monthly date nights, preferably weekly. To foster this habit, we will write a monthly Date Night Challenge! This challenge involves a date idea as well as some questions to ask one another.
Mary wants your marriage to be good, holy and healthy! Bring your marriage to her and for her prayers! I wrote this workbook to help you pray for your marriage!
How to Create a Prayer Routine as Husband and Wife:Praying together is one of the best things you can do for the health of your marriage and for the spiritual growth of your children! No matter if you have never prayed with your spouse or if you want to shake up your current routine, we wrote this $5 download to help married couples find a prayer routine they love!
We want to support your Catholic Marriage and Family Life however we can! So check out www.jumpincatholic.com and subscribe to receive a free resource called 5 Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage and Family Life!
Another resource for those struggling in their sex life in particular, there is no shame in seeking professional help. Check out www.canafeast.com
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